The Future

While attending classes, thoughts constantly run through my mind.

-What am I doing here?
a. Am I just wasting money?
b. Is college necessary?

-What is my goal?
a. Is my objective one that I have the strength to accomplish?
b. Who do I have to help me if I do fall?

-Am I happy?
a. Am I generally making friends and enjoying their company?
b. Am I lonely?
I. Need more friends?
II. Girlfriend?

-Is the major I picked the right one for me?
a. Am I enjoying what I am doing?

What should I have for lunch?


So ok..the last one was a joke...but that does generally run through my mind (and Im pretty sure through all of yours as well) But these are the thoughts I have during class when Im suppose to be focused on the teacher. Well Ill start on my first thought:

What am I doing here? To go to college! Am I wasting money? I hope not....but with the facilities and classes available to me, Im pretty sure ill get my moneys worth. The rest of the world now pretty much runs on a college degree. Without one, we're pretty much lost. But in the end all we get is a piece of paper(and knowledge in certain areas), telling us we can get paid large amounts....eh I like that :D But of course we'll have fun during this period in our life...right?

My goal? What have I set out to accomplish? MASTER ARCHITECT! Thats my goal. To create buildings, memorials, houses, shacks all so my name can be heard and adored! Yet... do I have the tenacity to accomplish what I just said? Can I lift this world I will create on my own shoulders? Or do I have to borrow some? Are there people around me who will willing give me their shoulders? I dont know...I never asked...but hopefully the friendships I create will be so close that I can practically share toothbrushes and underwear. :D

Did I find happiness? Am I comforted by the people around me? Do they give me a sense of belonging? I guess in a sense. I did find olderclassmen (or senpais) to talk to and befriend but no one really in my grade that I can generally hang out with. So I guess when Im not working, I do get a little lonely( unless theres people around) I guess this means I should make more friends...but people here...are weird. I know I too am unusual but alot of people here are from south jersey and...we just dont really mix that well. Theres alot of international students as well...but not the cool ones....just alot from mexico.....>.> So my range of friends is very small, just around a couple of white kids and very limited asians...Well anyway...now that Im here, living by myself away from the ever watching eyes of my mother (shes like the giant eye in the Lord of the Rings that sees everything, Sauron) Im free to...get a girlfriend...well not like I was not allowed before, its just hard to do things (not sex) around my mother. But do I really need one? Do I need a female to hug and hold, to make me feel squishy and soft inside, like yogurt? I guess I do. But not now. I guess Ill wait until someone shows up....or is that too passive? Should I go out and search? Should I ride out on my chariot of love, searching for the one i need?(corny!)

I dont know....


Am I happy as to what I am doing, training to be an MASTER ARCHITECT? Does this make me happy? I can happily say that it does make me happy. I enjoy it IMMENSELY. The hours I spend into the night creating visions and ideas in my head, bringing my imagination to its limits(if imaginations do have limits then i pretty much did it), working with my hands, and starving!

I love it all.

But then what will this lead us to? What can we look foward to in the future? Are we all just blinded by our imagination and the illusions in our head? Will everything end as nothing, or come out as something? Will we realize and succeed in our dreams or will they be crushed by our own two feet?

I have no idea...