Mothers Day

Its finals time and I just had an urge to write. Its mothers day tomorrow or rather today( its 1 in the morning currently). And i wonder how my mom is doing.

I remember thinking long ago, as a kid, wondering why there was such a holiday as mothers day....i think it pertained to the idea of not actually having that day off or any break. I just thought to myself at that time, "what a silly idea to celebrate being a mother." of course i worded it differently something along the lines of "mothers day...huh what do i do?" But now, i think i realized the awesomeness and the full capability this special day can hold. Its ultimately an excuse for celebrating the strength and love and the sheer awesomeness mothers have. I remember making little things for my mother in grade school, and i always thought it was dumb. "Why would my mom want some stupid paper thing i glued or colored in? I certainty would want something much cooler " I wonder now, if she remembers all my small gifts and if she really loved it or just carelessly threw it aside. I hope it was the first....

If you guys dont know, I am a mamas boy, and i am proud of it. I love my mother and I am grateful for being there and my upbringing, the sweat and tears she put into my life and he shear strength in overcoming the obstacle I put in front of her, the disappointments I put her through. I wonder if my mom knows that im sorry for the mistakes and troubles i put her through ( especially pregnancy..but she told me i wasnt much of a problem since i came out premature.....haha..) . As a boy its really hard to talk to our mothers heart-to-heart. Well, it is for me....so awkward....no? Maybe one day I can really sit down and talk to her fully....maybe when we're drunk together....HAHA.

Its been a while.

Its so easy to forget, even thing that happened almost on a daily basis. Its so easy to to get lost in the motions of things around you and completely loose yourself...like who you are. What is your identity! GAHH! Its like I was hypnotized! AHH! When everyone demands so much how do you answer!?! How do you figure out what the top priority is and what to do?!?! Do you bury yourself?(...the weight is unbearable..) WHAT DOO YOOUU DOOO!!!!
(....ok this almost sounds emo..and I didnt even intend for it to. haha I just wanted to say that Im back to writing on this blog after like 5 months of nothing..lol)
But really. its so hard not to become attached to the bad habits...or/and just not care.
There is not caring, being indifferent...then theres not worrying which is confidence....assurance....that the task will be completed.
Not caring is bad, it gives you a cold heart so its better not to worry then to not care at all.
We fall into this mindset of not caring very naturally...the only thing that stirs us is self interest...Im so selfish.
Then when this instinct of WANT takes over, greed and envy is introduced then comes obsession!...it gets dark pretty quick.

Woe is me, this world we live in consuming and I am one of its inhabitants...

Its hard to break free. Its a fight and its so hard.
Alas! I suffer!!...But is there something for this suffering??!?!
YES! There is!!!
Rejoice in suffering because suffering produces perseverance and perseverance produces character; and character, HOPE! Hope is good. I like hope. <3

Wowz..

I am going to be leaving in 3 days.....for MONGOLIAAAAA

Im very excited....

cannot contain this EXCITEMENT!!

it's very evident in my writing........

lol

Well now...im around 46% in my funding and im leaving soon....what am i going to do........I have no idea but im pretty sure it'll come through...

But I got to pack.....and in terms of packing for Mongolia....what do i bring? I think I need to go shopping lol

And I cannot absolutely get sick. OR ELSE!!!! ( ill be detained and quarantined at the airport)

The Swine Flu craze has swept the WORLD! PANIC! AHHHHHHHH

I think nothing will happen ( i think i jinxed myself)

Oh man I wonder what mongolian food tastes like. Hopefully it'll be good. I think we'll be playing rock paper scissors alot....to eat the food and to not eat it....when the mongolians arent looking of course. lol

But anyway im really excited to make some mongolian friends.....if my imagination is correct, ill be riding horses across vast plains, shooting arrows at targets hundreds of yards away, and wrestling fat mongolian men.

buuuuutt I cant forget why im going to mongolia!!

Tired....

I am so tired right now...

I havent ran a marathon or climbed the steep side of a cliff...but for some reason, I am physically drained. I wish there was some kind of energy shot i could just inject into myself so i dont feel like jumping off a waterfall. 

If the waterfall doesnt happen, just sleeping forever would be nice. It would actually be lovely.

Oh how tormented is my teenage soul! (im kinda glad im still a teen (19)) 

How it longs for rest~ lol

poetic! no?

over dramatic!~ HA

Le Sigh.......

But in all seriousness

I think i have never been so tormented. I have never been so physically and mentally drained. 

I think its because im preparing for my trip to mongolia. 

It is also because Im trying to prepare myself for mongolia~(theres a differance between the last two) I figure no ones perfect...soooo I, wanting to be a better person, try to get rid of bad habits, learn more about what it means to love, forgive and be compassionate(following a certain role model). This is hard -___-;;

 The effect i get from doing this : A life that is full and meaningful. I get to face struggle and hardship yet joy and immese pleasure. I am not trying to bend event that unfold to my will (i think that when chaos occurs) but try and bend my will into the event that are coming. So basically be more flexable :D

Sounds pretty easy....yet it is so tiring, so draining.....

Summer is HEAR

...ok the title is actually a typo but i kept it since it made me seem like i was implying something and made me seem smarter...wooo lol

Well anywho. Summers been....busy or what seems like busy. I dont know about anyone else but its been very hard to wake up in the morning. Alarm Clock effectiveness = ZERO! I dont know what it is but i just somehow grew the power to ignore it. So I just end up waking up around 12.....when my mom comes in to wake me......like elementary school...sigh.....shes not happy about that. lol So I wake up at 12 and just stumble into the kitchen and if im hungry i grab a bite to eat but its usually the water that I go for to revitalize my dehydrated organs. ( Yes I drown my organs in water before starting the day) Then I sit around for a couple of hours and do my own little thing usually consisting of a movie or tv (something of course mind numbing, it wouldnt be summer without it) then to my guitar and after strumming a few chords I finally take a shower. I look at my watch then and its 4........the day is basically gone.......ugh....im disgusted at myself at this point for killing the whole day. Then I start accomplishing things....but...........progress is slow............................................................................

lol 

Well recently i been reading blogs more than writing them myself.....usually architecture blogs but there are the occasional random one like........post secret which I think is very unique....i cant tell if its good or bad yet but its definatly leaning towards good but....how good? ( i dont know what im saying...i just like to rate things)

Writing feels good after not doing it for a while. :)

I just watch the new movie STAR TREK, and I have to say that after the movie was over......i became a star trek fan. :)

I also greatly enjoy Pie :)

lol random thoughts

I think Ill start writing every other day....or at least try to lol

but most likely i will....oh and i got to post up my final project :) which is awesome wooo

School....

Wow....Everything seemed to have been going smoothly. Everything ive done, everything ive made...i thought it was good at least notable...but i just got an email from my modes teacher (design) that im practically failing....Im pretty much at loss as to what to do....Well my modes teacher does hate me...and i havent uploaded everything on to Kepler (which is the place where everyone has to upload all their work )So....I dont know..it might be a plan to get me to upload it which in this case worked.....Math and humanities ive been not doing that great...But this has been a disappointing semester in general....Im so emo right now....sigh...and its 2:30 in the morning too....not a good time to be emo...I feel like im stuck in limbo right now.......Hopefully everying will work out...

Josh Lee sighing off.....................sigh....

My Cafe and the Slow House

As i said in the filler (or at least i think i did) Ive been busy making a cafe and making a digital model of the Slow House by Diller and Scofidio....well Ive come here to tell you...I AM DONE!
Yes for many moons i toiled at my computer creating this masterpiece, so ladies and gentlemen i present to you without any further delay, my cafe and the slow house!

Ok!~ so my concept for my cafe was Landscape (like topography) and contours (which are like layers or sections) Even though my chair has vertical contours i wanted to contrast it by making the cafe have horizontal contours. Those are my line drawings the second picture is my floor plan and the third one is just a section cut dividing the cafe in half. ( If you want to see the pictures better click on them :D)

The cafe was suppose to be in a 40x100x25 shell. So the first picture is the cafe in a axon view without the shell. The next two pictures are just renders of the inside, without any materials besides the glass floor in the main floor of the cafe. (I just told my crit the materials were concrete and metal :D)

Now for the Slow House!~
Im also pretty sure i talked about the house in one of my previous blog posts. Well...if i didnt...ill just give a small outline of what it is. Well first off its a vacation home! Made for a Japanese art collector but sadly the art market crashed making his art collection worthless so he had no money and no funding. The house was only built up to the foundation...its probably gone by now. But anyway Koji Itakura who was the art collector said he wanted a house with a "view" so Diller and Scofidio being the crazy artist that they were started questioning the idea of a "view." What is a "view"???? (well i dont want to get into what they thought it was so ill just fast foward or something...) This house sort of controls the "view" and causes slow arousal the farther you get into the house thats why its called Slow House! wooo!~

This house took me a whole night to make and i mean no procrastination. It was just like straight work all night for 8 hours. Then Jane Kim (my crit) just came over that morning and found fault with various things X.X She just enjoys owning me. Everyone just looks at me and shakes their head in pitty.......CURSE YOU JANE KIM!!!!!

Filler

Alright I been busy for the last 20 days...How busy? Very busy! 

Let me update you on whats happening to me. I been pulling all nighteres like they're nothing. Im practically explosive pooping all nighters out. (sorry for the visual image). But if i was to get lazy now, the only thing i would have is constipation and then pooping problems.....(ew more bathroom analogy's) 

Why have I been staying up continuously for many nights?: 

ARCHITECTURE!!!! 

Yes. Obviously that! What other reason but the love of my life! (ha only a workaholic would say that) The fact that architecture takes up now 90% of my life, i should receive some sort of......reward? Is it a good deed that I sucked myself into something so amazing? I guess not! Because Architecture is a reward on to itself!!! WOoo! ......<----loser

Ok Well anyway i been secretly doing thing other than Architecture (GASP) I know i know. I been taking discipleship training classes, this is the 3rd one this week. Its at Columbia and its very interesting, its alot of fun listening to these lectures. (No sarcasm here, seriously Discipleship training = alot of fun) Maybe I find it enjoyable since i look foward to it....

I really want to cook, its been driving me crazy...

OH and Abnaire is back! HEY ABNAIRE! HOWS IT GOING! LETS HANG OUT! :D

Projects are done this monday! ill have pics up soon

Back to Designing

Alright i feel like i strayed off the topic my blog, "Stories of Design". So i guess now ill go back to talking about my projects here at NJIT.

First: I got new profs or Crits as we architecture students call them, and they're fine except for my design crit, shes really....plain. What I just said might seem a little...mean?, well anyway, shes a jerk as well. Well Crits are suppose to be jerks but...shes a jerk when its uncalled for. oh yea. Did i mention shes Korean? Her name is Jane Kim, shes skinny, pretty tall, and it looks like she doesnt apply anything to her face. Maybe shes going for the natural look....ew (doesnt fit her..actually i dont know if anything would fit her)...she just needs some meat. Hmm wait maybe its because im Korean she looks down on me.... Who knows :/ maybe in the end i wont think of her in this way.

Second: My classes here suck. Math and Humanities...stupid. The professors are...i dont know what to even say....yes i do. My math teacher doesnt give me points on questions during quizes if i dont answer it how she wants it...even if the answer is correct. I cant wait for the end of this semester so i can just give her a bad review...(because here at njit, at the end of the semester we write how we liked the class and the teacher...basically...shes screwed)


Third: Im designing a cafe, and also researching this house called the Slow House. Slow not as in dumb of course, who would ever name their house the Dumb House? Its stupid, not even attractive in the least bit. But anyway, these are two big projects going on at the same time...its tough....The chair is the chair im using to base my cafe off of. Its called the impression chair. Its pretty....impressive...hahaha.....no? Well its really interesting, im currently taking the characteristics of this chair and making abstract models from it. Its really cool. Ill upload the abstarct stuff later...maybe....or ill just put it on facebook..or both. lol The other pictureis a model of the Slow house. Its pretty cool, the house itself was never build because the art market crashed or something and the client who wanted this house stopped the project because of no money...sad. Well the house is like suppose to arouse you...i dont understand how yet but the farther you go into the house..the more......"aroused" youre suppose to be....fun. So yea. I have to explain the ideas the architects had when designing this who by the way are amazing architects and artist: Diller + Scofidio. Look them up, pretty cool stuff.

Well...until next time~

Hmm..interesting

I found this on facebook, it was a note from on of my friends, i found it very interesting...

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning.


Commentary.

My confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees, 'Christmas' trees.. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, 'Merry Christmas' to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu . If people want a preacher, it's just fine with me as is the Memorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution, and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham (Lotz) gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, 'I believe God is deeply saddened by th is, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'

In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bi ble says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing yet?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,

Ben Stein

It makes you think...no? Well it certainly made me think. People might say..What about people with other belief systems? Well...other belief systems might have other gods but they all have the fundamental ideas of Do not Kill, Steal Etc...right? Then people might say that not all kids are killers, right? Well..not all kids have been spared childhood spanking...lol. People in the end might say that we need to change....well I think that we HAVE changed, and the world we live in right now is the end result...

Tell me what you guys think~ wooo

What is Happiness?

Wow. For some reason the title sounds depressing...No? Well i feel like it gives off a certain element of saddness, like a small tear to my eye, as if a small orphan boy was pulling on the legs of my pants asking for his mother....overpowering?... unrealistic? Yeah.....well anyway the reason for this title was because while i was sitting in my room meditating and focusing on the life force around me (just kidding! i was just being otaku) I started wondering about emotions and how it makes us do silliest(or creepiest) of things! Im pretty sure everyone knows what im talking about..if not...i dont know what to say. 

But anyway Emotions: Good? Bad? Personally I would love to live without them in certain moments of my life. It would certainly make things less...crazy...but anyway I think emotions keep us human, and realistic. I makes us humble...if we didnt have emotions we would be absolutely FEARLESS. (If one watched the episode of "Fairly odd parents" where Timmy wishes he didn't have emotions one would find my statement true lol )...Well anyway what i was getting at with this was what does one feel when one is consumed by ones emotions (too many one lol). 

For Example....(Oh this is perfect) In the beginning of this blog entry i was talking about some orphan boy pulling on my pants leg, right? Well imagining that should tug a couple of heart strings and produce a feeling as if someone is squeezing your heart. Every emotion brings out a certain feeling. When one feels anger, despair, hurt, and laughter ones body reacts. But what about happiness? When I try to remember the feeling of happiness nothing comes up. (is it weird im thinking about this? i mean it doesnt help im writing this 3 in the morning...lol) When i try to feel happy, what is it im trying to feel? Dont confuse happiness with joy, they're different.

So in the end is happiness just a facial expression? A feeling of nothing? What is it? GAHH

ok 

anyway.........

Winter break was fun! Had fun with everyone back at home and im glad i got to talk to people i havent talked to in a while. Hopefully these friendships wont die out.

 I also learned alot thanks to Vision Conference and hopefully ill keep learning :D woo lol 

Complete!

Ahhh...Taste that? The taste of freedom!.....or boredom.....>.> lol. Studio is officially over. Now i have all the time in the world. Which isn't bad but what happens when theres nothing to replace that empty void in the afternoon which was once filled with endless hours of studio? Unfortunately...i discovered myself to be a workaholic....or maybe an addict. With nothing to attract my attention, ive become a aimless wandering mind (kind of like the dementors in harry potter when they weren't in azkaban...ew..i hate referring to pop culture). I could have turned my focus on to something constructive...such as helping the poor, taking care of the wounded...building bridges....but NO...todays mass media does not support this, instead they pull me away from the goodness that i could accomplish and shove selfishness and greed down my throat. Now i am corporate puppet ready to consume, buy and cover myself in the clothes of the wealthy. Am I enjoying this?: Yes. But what would have happened if I was to ignore all the evils the world has to offer? Nothing. Because its impossible to ignore them! Everywhere one goes, the world opens its hand and out comes distraction, disorder, sin, CHAOS! And we enjoy every minute of it. We do not care, we bathe in its dirt...

(.....wow ok.. I dont know how I got from taking about me not having studio anymore to this.....maybe it was bugging me subconsciously. Who knows but i like it :D)

Its been at least 2 weeks since i updated again...yet no one else has yet updated theirs..or at least read mine....or at least comment...But Ill carry on! lol

This is my final project. Looks good eh? lol My crits did like it..sort of....They told me i had to take it one step further and my idea was too trapped in this one idea of a curve so my study models showed too little progress. So next semester: Have a solid idea, and work faster. Woo!

The week i was doing this, I had 5 hours of sleep from Sun-Sat. It was epic. THe most i ever worked on anything. But the actual model took me only 1 night...lol It was preparing everything else that took so much time......

But now Studios over, all i got left is a math exam...which i dont know the time ..or day.....and a essay for humanities which i should be doing right now...lol

Good luck to everyone else during their finals :D

Updated! no joke~

Ok...so im finally updating my blog ( and because Janet told me to)....Does this mean im currently done with all work? No...actually I am currently battling with the architecture World itself. Imagine that, a WORLD against little ol' me. Ill win...eventually. :D lol But anyway ill talk about my current situation right now:

1. Studio! I wont call studio a prison but i have been here for the last 2 weeks working diligently...and..intesely (if thats a word) to create a pavilion fit for the mayans....well thats what the assignment is... but people forget the mayan empire died out. kindof foolish to build something for a fallen race of people...Their form of architecture and concepts are not used anymore. They were a race dedicated to the Cosmos (if you remember your freshman World Civ class), looking to the stars for enlightenment. They also happened to make human sacrifices, cutting peoples hearts out on an alter. Why would i create something for these people? Besides those facts, nothing else is known about them. They are a people shrouded in mystery, nothing is known about them except the fact their calander ends in 2012...so i guess the people decided thats when the world ends...Great... i wont even graduate college....

2. I hate my design again....The amount of time they give us to come up with a design and make models is so short...I need more time...everyone needs more time...its stupid...I made some sketches. The roof is spirling upwards in a half moon shape. Its not bad...but its a pain to build...

3. My progress is so slow..everyone is way ahead of me and I need to catch up....right now...other classes are holding me back too....i neeed to write a research paper on Vitruvius, a roman guy. woo.....lol Maybe the day i give my oral presentation in class ill wear a toga. haha


Oh and I made my schedule and it seems that my Friday classes start at 3 in the afternoon so I might soon start having overnight expeditions into NYC. Good stuff. lol

SO....... Until Dec 1 when studio is officially over Ill be working OVERTIME~


Current Status: OVERWHELMED! but still fighting on!~ :D

Update finally? Psych!~

Well i havent updated in a while and i dont think i have enough time :( Its the final project! and another common coming up! The project is a Mayan pavilion...so i got to use Mayan stuff...which can be fun but its alot of work....like alot of my other projects...but anyway alot went on and ill write about it later lol

so.....

brb...
:D

A mEsS

Im reaching the climax of my project....i should be done with everything, yet...nothing I have is completed...its all roughly 90% done. Ive seem to have hit a wall..no nothing to do with my eyes,(see earlier post on asian eyes) but a wall void of any creativity. I seem to be unable to come up with any solutions as to what to do. Which is the main reason as to why everything is not completed. So to solve this problem, i did a little art, to free some (maybe trapped) creativity.





Haha. I made little clay figures, which now sit on top of my computer screen. Obviously encourageing me on. One of them is a snail. (I have no idea how that encourages me) and the other one is of my Crit. giving me a thumbs up! yay! haha

I dont know what my crits going to say after he sees it. Im guessing that he'll laugh.

Well tomorrow (wednesday), im taking my commons as well (like a midterm) and I havent yet started studying. Why? Because i have to build my project, which is due on Thursday....Tough...So im trying to manage both and i have to say its hard. Especially when you hate math...HOW CAN I HATE MATH! IM ASIAN! well i just do. haha

Well Newarks been pretty interesting this week. There seems to be drive-bys (shootings) going on left and right. One happened a block from my studio 10 minutes before class ended. Crazy stuff. Yesterday there were at least 4 helicopters flying around. It was intense.

Hopefully it wont continue and I wont be scared to walk down to subway....not that I am....

Well this hell will be over on thursday after I hand in my living cube! So thursday ill be going to hang with a certain Mr. Chan....

Moving on and things keep getting weirder

Ok....for whatever reason, I felt as if my last post was really....depressing (and EMO)....

Talking about my problems and ab0ut my thoughts? I think Ill save that for when im drunk( beacause it'll be really really funny)

Well anyway, there seems to be something weird going on. Let me explain. I was looking over the contacts in my phone, (something i do out of boredom) and I noticed several names that i dont recognize....Strange...

_________________________________________________________________

(ok i was writing this 3 in the morning got knocked out after that last sentence.....haha so let me now continue)

_________________________________________________________________

So it seems that im getting numbers out of nowhere, and Im too scared to actually call the numbers...so until the people actually call me, i wont even look at those numbers. Oh yea...and one contact was just...letters....wtf? I didnt even know you can type letters into the phone number slot....

As I have stated before, there are days when i fall asleep during studio, obviously from being tired. Its not really a problem, (which is how i see it) but there seems to be a trend going around in Studio. If a person leaves their desk and their computers on, you go put up porn as their background. So if a Crit. ever walked up to you while you were closing the programs (which blocked the view of the background). The crit. would obviously see it. Well, people started to do it to those who fall asleep too. Luckily no one was behind me, and i safely changed the background to normal. But it was interesting, my picture wasnt of a girl but of two Spanish looking males, discovering each other.....Was I excited? OBVIOUSLY...not... It was pretty funny though...

The sobe bottles, gatorade, water bottles and ginger ale cans seem to be multiplying on my desk...Mating with each other perhaps? I believe so.... Ill just wait for some inter-bottle marriages to happen. Hmm wonder what a Ginger-ade or a sobale tastes like?

Ugh..Im suppose to make a logo, which is also suppose to help me "advertise" my living cube which is my next project. I got to think of something cool....and by cool i mean asian

Almost done reading The ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE!

Yes i read it in the dark....because its not scary...

The Future

While attending classes, thoughts constantly run through my mind.

-What am I doing here?
a. Am I just wasting money?
b. Is college necessary?

-What is my goal?
a. Is my objective one that I have the strength to accomplish?
b. Who do I have to help me if I do fall?

-Am I happy?
a. Am I generally making friends and enjoying their company?
b. Am I lonely?
I. Need more friends?
II. Girlfriend?

-Is the major I picked the right one for me?
a. Am I enjoying what I am doing?

What should I have for lunch?


So ok..the last one was a joke...but that does generally run through my mind (and Im pretty sure through all of yours as well) But these are the thoughts I have during class when Im suppose to be focused on the teacher. Well Ill start on my first thought:

What am I doing here? To go to college! Am I wasting money? I hope not....but with the facilities and classes available to me, Im pretty sure ill get my moneys worth. The rest of the world now pretty much runs on a college degree. Without one, we're pretty much lost. But in the end all we get is a piece of paper(and knowledge in certain areas), telling us we can get paid large amounts....eh I like that :D But of course we'll have fun during this period in our life...right?

My goal? What have I set out to accomplish? MASTER ARCHITECT! Thats my goal. To create buildings, memorials, houses, shacks all so my name can be heard and adored! Yet... do I have the tenacity to accomplish what I just said? Can I lift this world I will create on my own shoulders? Or do I have to borrow some? Are there people around me who will willing give me their shoulders? I dont know...I never asked...but hopefully the friendships I create will be so close that I can practically share toothbrushes and underwear. :D

Did I find happiness? Am I comforted by the people around me? Do they give me a sense of belonging? I guess in a sense. I did find olderclassmen (or senpais) to talk to and befriend but no one really in my grade that I can generally hang out with. So I guess when Im not working, I do get a little lonely( unless theres people around) I guess this means I should make more friends...but people here...are weird. I know I too am unusual but alot of people here are from south jersey and...we just dont really mix that well. Theres alot of international students as well...but not the cool ones....just alot from mexico.....>.> So my range of friends is very small, just around a couple of white kids and very limited asians...Well anyway...now that Im here, living by myself away from the ever watching eyes of my mother (shes like the giant eye in the Lord of the Rings that sees everything, Sauron) Im free to...get a girlfriend...well not like I was not allowed before, its just hard to do things (not sex) around my mother. But do I really need one? Do I need a female to hug and hold, to make me feel squishy and soft inside, like yogurt? I guess I do. But not now. I guess Ill wait until someone shows up....or is that too passive? Should I go out and search? Should I ride out on my chariot of love, searching for the one i need?(corny!)

I dont know....


Am I happy as to what I am doing, training to be an MASTER ARCHITECT? Does this make me happy? I can happily say that it does make me happy. I enjoy it IMMENSELY. The hours I spend into the night creating visions and ideas in my head, bringing my imagination to its limits(if imaginations do have limits then i pretty much did it), working with my hands, and starving!

I love it all.

But then what will this lead us to? What can we look foward to in the future? Are we all just blinded by our imagination and the illusions in our head? Will everything end as nothing, or come out as something? Will we realize and succeed in our dreams or will they be crushed by our own two feet?

I have no idea...

Asian Eyes....

Gift? Curse?

While attending NJIT, I began receiving questions (jokes), mostly directed at my eyes.

These eyes of mine can be described as narrow slits. And so what are their purpose?

The Sun!

Advantages? : Many
Imagine a sunny Sunday morning. One walks to open the blind only to have the Sun BLAST the light waves and particles on to a very light sensitive eyes (after spending a night in darkness)

Suns Effect?: 0%

We as Asians seem to be immune to such things as bright sun..for we are already squinting...or so the white man has claimed.

So... there seems to be no need for hats or sunglasses because our eyes seem to block all light like a brick wall.

Sleep!

Advantages?: Many

Asians with their eyes seem to be the masters of illusions... Are we asleep or not? Are we all just sleepwalking from day to day, not knowing what our bodies are accomplishing while our mind rests? No one knows, therefore if one does fall asleep, the likely hood of being seen or caught? None

Disadvantages?: Yes

While attending classes or lectures a powerful feeling of sleep seems to take over. For the average white male, they have no problem with a little focus. Asians however seem to have a tough time...why? Our eyes seem to be closer together, meaning the distance is shorter, and every blink (or squint) becomes a fight to stay awake.

(I just take really long blinks during lectures...blinks that last for like 30 minutes. haha)

Driving!

Disadvantages!: Many

Alright all Asians can drive, no matter what anyone else says, its true. However, how well do we see while driving? Where could have this stereotype come from? Could it be from our eyes? Did the prehistoric white man look at our eyes and judge that we cannot see the road, therefore cannot drive?
Who know?

Cooking!

Advantages? : OF COURSE

We as Asians have dominated the culinary world. But with what exactly? Strange and mysterious foods never before seen or heard of by the populace of the world of course. I will now break it down into 3 groups which i believe to be the most popular

Sushi : The pinnacle of Japanese cuisine ( well i believe so) What is this made out of?...Raw Fish...EW! The rest of the world does not touch it! he he We keep it for ourselves :D

Bulgogi: Commoners food. Easy to make, and delicious, the white man relishes it. Wait...whats that smell...WHAT?!?!KIMCHI! EW! hehehe the white man does not know what hes missing :D

Sesame Chicken: Usually sold in a downtown Chinese take-out places somewhere. Where did this come from? From good ol' USA of course. The chinese immigrants decided that for whatever reason they could not make traditional Chinese food so they just decided to invent new ones. Still good... but whats in it? EW!!! CHICKEN!!..oh wait..what? oh :D yum

(ok that wasnt about eyes..but w/e)

Brains!
Advantages?: Yup

As Asian we must stick to the stereotype of being successful at whatever we touch. The phrase "Asian Invasion" comes to mind as one realizes how fast the Asians grew from building the railroads to owning businesses, stores, and eventually the international market. What is the cause of our success? Our eyes of course. Indirectly though. Small eyes=more brain space duh!

Unfair advantage? I think not!

Wow.. I seem to have somehow made this sound like Asians are superior among all races. IM NOT RACIST! I SWEAR! lol

But thats the end of talking about the design and functions of our eyes, lets get back to my life

Landscape: the best project i have completed thus far.

A park. Well more like a amphitheater. But if a there was a park that was an amphitheater id totally go hang out there like everyday.

Well now im moving on the the living cube. Basically a 8x8x8ft room (tiny) and it must meet these standards such as a bed 24 linear ft of shelving, a piece of furniture, and a work surface such as a desk. Sound easy? No. With such small spaces, getting designs to fit and fit well, is one of many obstacles we must face before this is completed. And the actual model will be made out of wood.....intense.

48+

Ok..Janets not commenting my blog...I was kinda waiting for her so that i can go on to my next post(because i have so much to say!) but....that doesnt seem likely(even though it was dedicated to her)

Well anyway.. first off. I been up for 48 hours straight again....to finish my project...but im still not done. lol. The project is landscape, (as i have been talking about in the last post) and basically i have to stack 30 of these 1\16 inch boards on top of each other which collectively become 2 inches. Its tough..alot of work and alot of glue....Well anyway. I been up for 48 hours but not neccesarily constantly working, i had to take care of some business first.

Such as Gethsemane. What is Gethsemane? Its a combination of all the Christian clubs around the Ny and Nj area. Well not all but just one that happens to spread to alot of different colleges, called KCCC (Korean Campus Crusade for Christ). And you dont have to be korean. I was just founded by a Korean guy....well i shouldnt say that, it was founded by a white guy who then brought it to Korea and the koreans just decided to return the favor. Its alot of fun, good people, good food (after we buy it ourself though..well we dont have to buy it if we dont want to but since we're in NY..and hungry) Gethsemane is on every friday at 7 on 59 st and something....its in a school called P.S 111. (Tried to get mr Chan to come but ....)

Well thats not what i really wanted to talk about but what happened slightly before. Not around that day but a little before. ok...here goes..

NJIT and Rutgers (Newark) has a joined ministry called JUICE, basically we come together, sing songs have fellowship and listen to a sermon(like a lecture but more interesting and meaningful..well at least to me) But as went there, this fob girl kept on trying to make me say hello this other girl (who is pretty ok looking) and i cant really tell if shes trying to set us up but i wasnt really interested. But me and this girl did happen to talk a little, all i can say is that shes totally not my type. lol She goes to Rutgers Newark and I went to NJIT, even though the schools are right next to each other, i felt like its kinda pointless too. But then one night after Juice ended(every thursday night), the fob girl just grabed me, placed me in front of the girl and said "Josh give her your number" and i was just thinking to myself "OMG WHAT IF THIS TURNS INTO A RELATIONSHIP!!(not shouting in my mind because im happy but because i dont want to have one..yet) But not to be rude and because i couldnt say or think anything in that second...all i could do at that time was just hand her my number....after that, i started to think about things more, and I didnt know what to do ( i think im horrible at relationships, dont know what to do >.<, im like a little boy in kindergarten that can only pull hair because i dont know any other way to express how i feel...well that's what i think im like.. lol). Well anyway the next day was Gethsemane and she usually went, so i was a little nervous at what to do when i see her. Well when i saw her coming, i saw her hands laced around another hand....a boy. Not just a boy but a skinny skater punk boy. I guess that was the type she was into. I didnt know whether to be disappointed or relieved as i saw them stroll happily down the street. I guess somewhere in my mind i really do want a girlfriend but i wouldnt know what to do....because...im a dork haha But while we're taking the subway to New York, i just see then all over each other...Public display of affection was everywhere...IF THIS WAS INDIA THEY WOULD BE SCREWED! lol. Well seeing them "cuddle" each other, kinda made me want to cuddle too...so.... i hugged my friend who was next to me, and then sat down and closed my eyes for the next 20 minutes..lol (everyone thought i was sleeping) But throughout my night, my eyes just kept on just straying to them. and it made me kinda angry...maybe i should get one of those things that horses wear so they can see in only one direction.......haha
(This is not a cry out to the internet world for a girlfriend by the way)

Studio/Dorm/Penis Piercings

Ok...Janet wanted to know about my life, my social life...here at NJIT...Newark, NJ.... lol, because I guess im selfishly holding it to myself. XP
Well i sort of have one...and dont....So let me share :)

Alright. First things first... Penis piercing.... I did not get one. But someone in my studio did...well a couple of people did. They all decided to get one...hopefully im not next...Well anyway, im telling you guys all this because one guy decided to show his penis....and his piercing....So yeah... my penis is now on lock down...not coming out...maybe not ever.

Living in Dorm.....Theres not much to it..Well for the occasional party that happens in my suitmates dorms. (They decided to put up blacklights and get a beer pong table) Its like a sex chamber in there. lol (its 2 in the morning, just a bit tired,might be alittle weird, cut me some slack) Well to say that its a sex chamber is not really correct, its just i like the word...its just funny. lol >.> Well anyway, i just come back to my dorm 3 in the morning, and they're just passed out on their beds, the whole place smelling like beer and sweat...and throw up.....Not very pleasant but they're pretty good people. I enjoy their company.

My Roomate is actually a pretty cool person. Hes fun to talk to, doesn't smell, not weird, and an athlete. So basically hes me...but white, hot, and has a body of a roman god.
He plays tennis, plays the guitar, an architect, and single.

Hes up for grabs if anyones interested. lol

Well anyway. The last thing we did together before architecture took us both over was this penguin prank. We basically stood in the elevator in complete silence, markers on our faces, and a penguin...just standing there. Honestly no one could hold their faces. It was horrible. For the first five seconds it was all quite. No one knew what was going on. Then after about 10 seconds. You just heard snickering and the whole elevator started cracking up. It was amazing. ( I wasnt the penguin, I took the picture)

Imagine a room full of supplies and bored teenagers. Its about 3 in the morning....its time to fool around. lol. At that time everyones just frantically trying to finish their work, playing games on their computers, eating, or fooling around with the supplies...you know the usual, making body parts, pretend guns or boomerangs.....lol

Well I guess ill talk about my project now since i just cant hold it back anymore. I talked about my painting and how we're suppose to make it abstract and such, well turns out we're making landscape (dont remember if i told you guys that part). So im making a model which was inspired by the artwork that i picked. Well, im completely left brained....(since im a lefty as i already ranted about) So everything i create is...just practical. It took me 4 models but i think i got it, but its still not what "I" want. Being abstract...is very difficult...like building models is easy, just put stuff together and youre done. But trying to show a feeling or an idea is the hardest thing to do especially with structures. (and i guess art too but i think its easier) So trying to show a feeling that i want to bring out...its not going right right now. Hopefully i can figure out a way. Oh yeah, my model has to be landscape (which is TOUGH) and its of a park. Like people go and hang out park. But my Crit. doesnt want like a nice Jersey/ Mass. Park but like a CRAZY one. Something that stands out....>.<